2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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