yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
