The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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