so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
