I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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