then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
