The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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