hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
