I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize