Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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