At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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