Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize