Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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