It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Still dying that you shit outside
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I need to calm my uterus...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
