Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize