my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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