Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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