ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
