and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
