There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
