no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
