is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
