She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
only you would photoshop your dick
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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