I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
