So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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