ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
