I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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