She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We left an ass print on the piano.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
