thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
