Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
