I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
