So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
