This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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