I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i drank out of a bidet.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
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