there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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