Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
