so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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