Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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