..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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