you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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