My nipple is on Facebook.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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