I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
