its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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