It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
where are my eyebrows?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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