I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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