I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
