shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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