I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
