never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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