We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
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