Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
