You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
