ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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