and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
