I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize