Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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