wat bout pragnant strippers??
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
