and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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