Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
