i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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