After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
