at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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