only you would photoshop your dick
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
