5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize