Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
