Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
