she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize