Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
