My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I forget how to act sober
Randomize