I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
