I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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