The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
