what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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