I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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