I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
