I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Randomize
