Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
