My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
