1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
