:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
