1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
