You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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