we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
