oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
