so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize