Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
