You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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