I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
