you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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