oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
