last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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