So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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