dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
