I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
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