Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
