My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
