I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
